Love and Surveillance: How Is Romance Possible in North Korea?

By: Amy Kang + Jimin Oh

Han, S. (2021, January 22). A couple walking on a winter street in Pyongyang, North Korea [Photograph]. The Hankyoreh. https://flexible.img.hani.co.kr/flexible/normal/800/1200/imgdb/original/2021/0122/6116113065475707.webp

Imagine the charm of campus dating: studying together in the library, strolling through campus hand in hand, sharing meals together, and maybe even an all-nighter together in a classroom. From the moment your eyes first locked together, to holding each other at a skating rink, these moments are deeply connected to modern dating culture. For example, in South Korea, university couples purchase matching outfits - commonly referred to as a “couple-look”, before heading outside to cafes or stores. This culture offers a unique sense of nostalgia that many carry long after graduation, and even into marriage. 

However, this image of dating presents a sharp contrast to which is seen in North Korea. Imagine you’re a citizen there. Neon lights flicker on, and families head home from work. Couples walk side by side—but never hand in hand. In a country where every word and movement can be watched, affection must be hidden in plain sight.

Historically, relationships have never been entirely personal. The songbun system—North Korea’s rigid social classification—has long dictated who could marry whom. A researcher Robert Collins (2021) explains, a person’s background determines almost everything: where they live, where they work, and even who they love. To marry someone of “lower” songbun is to risk your own future. Love, therefore, is not just emotional; it’s political.

In North Korea, love begins under surveillance. Messages are read, phones are tracked, and even neighbours can report unusual behaviour. The idea of dating feels like a luxury. Yet, against all odds, people still find ways to fall in love. This can be attributed to the movement initiated by the young generation born after the famine of the 1990s who are changing the rhythm. Raised in the jangmadang—North Korea’s underground markets—they learned self-reliance and independence. They value emotion and choice more than loyalty or duty. Love, for them, is both fragile and rebellious: a small space of freedom carved out within the system.

All this in large, may be attributed to the current ruler, Kim Jong Un’s approach to dating. He has once presented the slogan: “Keep your feet on the ground but turn your head to the world” (KBS WORLD, 2019). This, along with his frequent public appearances with his wife Ri Sol Ju, leads many to believe he is willing to lead his nation into international and cultural trends, including trends in romance.

Even so, the boundaries never disappear. Public affection remains rare. Couples may meet in safe, predictable places—parks, libraries, or work events—where the watchful eye of the inminban feels less sharp. A smile, a note slipped between books, or a moment shared at a food stall can mean more than words.

These quiet gestures reveal something profound: that even in the world’s most controlled society, the human heart resists control. Love becomes a secret form of rebellion, a reminder that beneath the layers of ideology and fear, people still long for connection.

In North Korea, love is not loud or public. It’s whispered, hidden, protected. But it exists—an unspoken proof that even in the shadow of power, humanity still finds a way to bloom.

Reference

Baek, J. (2018). When your body belongs to the state: Girls in North Korea and the politics of female bodies. Body & Society, 24(4), 97–120. https://doi.org/10.1177/0306422018819318

Collins, R. (2021). Marked for Life: Songbun, North Korea’s social classification system. Committee for Human Rights in North Korea. https://www.hrnk.org/wp-content/uploads/pdfs/publications/eng/HRNK_Songbun_Web.pdf

Daily NK. (2017, March 15). Matching couples accessories spread as dating culture takes root. https://www.dailynk.com/english/matching-couples-accessories-sprea/

KBS WORLD. (2019, May 9). Dating culture in N. Korea. https://world.kbs.co.kr/service/contents_view.htm?lang=e&board_seq=363097

Moon, K. H. S. (2012, August 13). Love and marriage in North Korea. Wilson Center. https://www.wilsoncenter.org/article/love-and-marriage-north-korea